If I blog in the evening, chances are pretty good that I'm going to blog about sex. If it's morning, it'll be about fitness and if it's afternoon, it's going to be about nutrition. Time should help you filter through my blogs! It's seven o'clock at night. I'm blogging about sex.
Ladies, lets talk about the amazing power that we, as females, have the bedroom. If we play our cards right, our men will burst into flames in the middle of our rooms.
Men are simple. Give them sex, they’re happy. Don’t, they aren’t. Oh…that sounds so easy doesn’t it. For men, it really is. For women, it’s not so much
Let’s look at it like this. Men aren't going to notice your little pooch or your extra cushion on your cushion if you are confident and in control of situation. If you’re aggressively giving your hubby a blowjob, trust me, he is not thinking about your cellulite!
All women have some sort of insecurity holding them back when it comes to sex. I have spent the past year or more talking to women of all ages and situations and have found that there are two main reasons why women aren’t having sex. It comes down to the art of the female.
Excuse Number One: Insecurities with their body.
100 percent of the married women that I spoke with were insecure about their bodies. LADIES!! THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE! GET YOUR BUTT TO THE GYM!! You don’t have to make a huge deal of it at first. Start simple. Start by taking a class once or twice a week. Walk on the treadmill. Do some crunches. Turn it into a habit, and increase your exercise routine gradually. Don’t start out with this ridiculous, unrealistic expectation of losing 20 pounds in a week then give up when it doesn’t happen. Shaping your body takes time and lots of discipline. Stick with it. Besides, it’s YOUR body. You only get one. Take care of it! Not just so you feel comfortable in your own skin but because you want to live a long, healthy life. My motto in life is to do the best you can with what God gave you. Don't hide behind your insecurities. I have more confidence in myself knowing that I actually do try to do the best with what God gave me, even if it’s not perfect. And, trust me. A man will notice confidence above all else!
Solution to excuse number one:
Don’t use excuses. Excuses are for the weenies. Suck it up and do something about your insecurities. Go to the gym, get a bikini wax, get your hair done, get laser surgery if you believe in it, you can even do exercises at the gym that make your “sisters” larger and perkier (that’s another blog for another day). Whatever the insecurity is, don’t let it hold you back! Attack it!! (If you need help attacking it, I would love to help you and hold you accountable! I’m all about women with confidence! Wait, does that make me a partial feminist?? Hmmmm…. )
Excuse Number Two: I don’t really like sex. I’ve got too many other things to do.
FOR REAL?!?! Listen to me!! The more you have sex, the more you want it! If you haven’t slept with your husband in six weeks, no wonder you don’t like it. You FORGOT what it was like! Sex is NOT a chore. It is a gift! What other things do you have to do that’s better than an orgasm???? Can’t think of anything??? Didn’t think so! The dishes can wait. The kids will be asleep at some point. If not, call the neighbor, pull up pbskids.org and let them go to town, have them color a picture for grandma and grandpa. It’s not like you need two hours. Too tired?! Suck it up. You won’t be tired once your desire kicks in!
If you still don’t like it, try getting a little creative. Attend a “Slumber Party” or any other in-home party where professionals show you the latest sex toy, “how-to” book, or tingly lubrication. This will not only broaden your horizon with the pleasure market, but it will get you comfortable with talking about “sex things”. It may even turn you on a bit. But, knowledge is power, my friend! I read a book once on performing oral sex fifty different ways. I memorized a few at a time and then tried them. Holy Smokes! My husband was beaming for three months straight. I paid very close attention to what he liked and what he really liked and logged it away for future reference. These small things will make a huge difference in your marriage. We will talk more about slumber parties and sex toys in another blog. That’s another week’s topic for another time!
Solution to excuse number two: You may not like sex because it’s probably been a while or you’re just plain bored. Get after it! YOU provide the good sex, don’t wait for him to do it!
Still not enough?? Here is some research that I’ve done on women and the loss of their sex drive.
While male sex drive is easy to define -- and relatively easy to restore -- that's often not the case for women. Because the female sex drive is multifactorial, the desire to make love is not only influenced by physical issues, but emotional ones as well.
Part of the desire to make love is clearly physical, but part is also emotional – depression can make a difference, so can any emotional issue in a woman's life; female sex drive is very multidimensional.
While emotions are frequently behind a loss of sex drive in younger women, doctors say it is frequently the aging process itself that's causes changes in desire in women over age 45.
"The very fact that a woman is no longer ovulating regularly, or not ovulating at all, automatically takes her sex drive down a few notches," says Steven Goldstein, MD
Estrogen is a mood elevator, it works in the brain to maintain interest in sex, but it also works at the level of the genitals, helping to increase sensation and just making sex more pleasurable.Without it, she says, not only can desire take a dive, vaginal tissue begins to dry and shrink. As a result, intercourse can become uncomfortable, or even painful.Who wants to make love when making love hurts?
Avoiding sex because of pain only leads to more pain. The old "use or lose it" theory really does apply.
While estrogen levels are important, the latest research shows that the male hormone testosterone also plays a role in a woman's sex drive. Though present in only tiny amounts, some doctors say it's the seasoning that makes her sex drive sizzle.
Moreover, when levels become erratic, as they do at midlife, that sizzle can fizzle fast.
"There are a lot of physical reasons a woman can experience a decrease in sexual desire. But for many women who are otherwise healthy, a drop in testosterone that occurs at midlife is the reason," says Braunstein, who is one of the nation's leading researchers on testosterone treatment in women.
Complicating matters further, studies show that sometimes the very treatments women such as low-dose birth control pills -- can actually disrupt desire by robbing the body of testosterone.
"When these hormones are taken orally, they are metabolized by the liver, which in turn puts out a protein that binds to testosterone, causing a deficiency," says Braunstein. This, he says, can also be true for younger women using birth control pills for contraception.
Just because your sex drive is different, doesn't mean there is something wrong or that you have to try and fix it. If less sex isn't bothering you, your partner, or your relationship, more power to you.
Ladies! Let’s make our men happy. Have sex with them. If you have a logical excuse or even a not-so-logical excuse, deal with it! Fix it! Our jobs as wives is to make our husbands happy. Even if they don’t deserve it all of the time, hold up your end of the bargain. And once a month doesn’t cut it! I’m talking about a few times a week. Embrace your power as a woman! Enjoy it! Don’t be afraid to switch things up a bit. Do some research. Make it a priority. They’ll never know what hit them!
For more information on women with low sex drives due to medical or emotional disorders, see the following website.
http://health.msn.com/health-topics/sexual-health/womens-sexual-health/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100186622
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